Bldg APH Unit 204
by silimanchiflavor
Summary: Living with my painfully narcissistic childhood friend, with a lot of homosexuals occupying the other units, so I could study in this sorta shitty school save for this god of a music professor I have the hots for. It's gonna be great!


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hetalia. It is owned by Himaruya Hidekaz and it should stay that way. :D

**Warning: **A LOT of cussing, 'accidental' groping, and violence. (Seriously, it's Prussia and Hungary, how could there not be violence? XD)

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**PROLOGUE: First Day Nerves**

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"I'm awesome!" ~No, you're not dude, don't lie~

Elizaveta awoke to the absolutely obnoxious noise her roommate was making. With a shrug, she kicked off the sheets of her bed and she reached over to her bedside table to get her trusty friend, that friend that always does the job of shutting up his insufferable childhood friend.

"I'm awesome!" ~I drive around in my mom's ride~

'_What the hell is wrong with him anyway? He NEVER gets up this early in the morning.' _Elizaveta thought, unconsciously tightening her grip to her frying pan's handle. She's not one to mess with when she hadn't slept her full 8 hours of beauty sleep. Actually she's plainly not someone to mess with at all. She made her way out of her room, without bothering on getting out of her a-little-too-revealing sleepwear and changing her clothes or taming her hair from its 'bed-headiness'.

"I'm awesome!" ~A quarter of my life gone by and I met all my friends online~

She got out of her room, fuming with rage as she saw just what the time is. _'FIVE FUCKIN' FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING?'_ With a grunt, she stomped towards where she hears the noise from, _his_ room. She kicked the door to his room open so forcefully the doorknob crashed to the wall and caused a dent in it, not caring at all about damage fees for the unit. With her frying pan in hand, she lunged to where Gilbert was and,

"Motherfucker, I'm awesoaaaaahhhh!"

~klaaannggg!~

slammed the cooking utensil to Gilbert's unsuspecting skull.

His head slammed to his open laptop, which was apparently what he was preoccupied with during this fucking hour. Elizaveta hovered above the possibly brain-dead man, eyeing him in all his 'awesome' glory.

The man was wearing only his black boxers with baby chicks printed all over it. The stupid idiot wasn't even wearing a shirt and it was so cold at this hour. Elizaveta had the urge to throw a blanket over him but realized he'd probably be dead and that he'd end up cold with or without a blanket anyway.

"Nngggg…" Gilbert mumbled as he was starting to come to.

Elizaveta sighed and thought, _'that still didn't kill him?_' and then ignored the groaning man who was obviously in pain and just lied on his bed.

"What the hell!" Gilbert screamed. He was lying on the floor when he was doing something with his laptop and got totally owned by Elizaveta there too, but in a flash he was standing up and pointing an accusing finger at Elizaveta who was casually laying and making herself comfortable on Gilbert's bed.

Elizaveta opened her eyes slowly, pretending she was sleeping there the whole time but ended up laughing uncontrollably as she saw the state Gilbert was in right now.

Blood trailed down the side of his head and his lip was busted too. A bruise was forming on his right cheek as well. All that plus his very indecent and laughable attire and Gilbird pointing an accusing wing at her too, which was placed right on top of his white-haired head like always, made Elizaveta crack up and roll on his bed laughing.

"Hahahahhahaaha!" At the sound of her not-so-feminine guffaw, Gilbert got red in the face out of sheer anger and… embarrassment?

"Bitch! The fuck's wrong with you?" Gilbert yelled. His threat wasn't as intimidating as he wanted it to be, with all that blood streaming down his forehead and lip.

"Don't you call me a bitch, you bastard!" and Elizaveta shot up from lying on his bed and kicked off the baby chick printed comforter so she could stand up in Gilbert's bed. "What the fuck's wrong with me? What the fuck's wrong with you?" She screamed, pointing a reproachful finger every now and then. She was just cussing with a stupid grin on her face earlier but now she's serious. She just remembered why she's so angry at his roomie. "You being up this early in the fuckin' morning? And causing such a damn ruckus! What exactly are you doing right now, huh? Watching porn?" She openly accused, clearly proud that she stood up on his bed. Being taller than him makes her more intimidating than she already is.

"Hey! Don't accuse me of your own bad habits! At least I don't watch gay porn!" Gilbert isn't intimidated just yet. "And I wasn't even watching porn, you yaoi freak!" He screamed at her with a deathly glare and knelt back down so he could show his laptop to Elizaveta and totally rub in her face that her accusation wasn't true. "I was looking over my blog and checking out the comments! Ludwig sent me a text message, told me some boring crap and then told me that Feliciano wrote a comment in… my…" He trailed off, and Elizaveta looked at just what he's trying to show her in his laptop.

"Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

There in the floor, with a little bit of Gilbert's blood smeared in some of the keys, was his laptop and the screen was completely smashed. _'So that was why the 'I'm Awesome' song stopped playing._' Elizaveta couldn't help but giggle.

"YOU!" Gilbert bellowed, still kneeling on the floor, teary-eyed one second and completely fired up with rage the next.

Elizaveta was still laughing her ass off at what happened to his immature roommate. It was her heaven if it was his hell. Although… she really did push him too hard this time. And Gilbert will make her pay. Slowly, he put little Gilbird down on the floor beside his wrecked laptop. He glared at the witch standing scornfully on his bed. _'You'll pay!'_

In a flash, Gilbert was up and he tackled Elizaveta. She fell not-so-graciously to the bed and got pinned down by Gilbert. A little blood dripped down from his forehead and landed on Elizaveta's cheek. He just completely ignored it. "You little witch! I'll make you pay! I'll find your porn stash and I will burn it! Burn it all!" He screamed and then laughed like a madman in her face. She retorted with a punch aimed right on his face but Gilbert dodged it. He smirked and pulled at her hair. "Oh come on Eli! Look at you! You look like a frickin' dude! Can't you present yourself a little better? I mean you are in the presence of the awesome me!"

She reached to his head and pulled at his white locks as well. "You're one to talk! Your hair smells like you haven't washed it in weeks!" She screamed as they wrestled like they were children.

"Yeah, I'm all that and chicks still find me irresistible!" Gilbert replied smugly, showing that he isn't hurt at all at Elizaveta's efforts.

"By chicks I hope you mean Gilbird." She started and pulled at his hair more. "He's the only one that could stand your stench!" And she jerked her knee up and hit him right on the stomach.

Gilbert doubled over in pain and Elizaveta wasted no time in throwing him off the bed. After she heard the 'thud' of him falling on the floor on his butt, Elizaveta smiled to herself. "That'll teach hiaaaaaaahhh!"

~thuuuuddd!~

Right when Gilbert fell off the bed he grabbed hold of Elizaveta's protruding elbow, which was fully overhanging on the edge of the bed, and pulled her with him to the floor.

The result was… quite disastrous.

"Mmmhhh!" Gilbert yelled, but Elizaveta completely suppressed the words he was supposed to be saying. _'What the fuck is this! I can't fuckin' breathe!' _Gilbert thought, panic clear in his mind.

As he sensed that the 'object' preventing him from breathing didn't move, his sense of self-preservation kicked in. He grabbed hold of what was suffocating him, and it was only then that he realized he was still holding Elizaveta's elbow. So he let go of her elbow, clutched tightly at whatever it was smothering him and lifted it off his poor, crushed face.

Immediately after, he sucked in a breath exaggeratedly, being the total drama-king that he was. _'I can't believe Eli had the speed to grab a pillow to suffocate me with when I thought I completely caught her off guard when I pulled her off my bed like that. I gotta be more careful, Eli's getting more devious!' _

"Mmmhhhaaa~!"

'_What was that?'_ In his head, Gilbert was screaming. Indeed, what was that?

'_Come to think of it, I don't own light green pillows.' _He thought, really scanning his mind if he had ever had light green pillows. He was sure he didn't own any and clearly on his hands right now were two, soft, round pillows that were covered in light-green silk with laces and ribbons decorating it.

'_Nor do I have pillows that…'_ Gilbert's thoughts trailed off and he gave a firm squeeze at his 'pillows'.

"Haaaa~!"

'_These are not pillows.'_

Gilbert looked up and saw just what he's taken a hold of. Sure enough, it was Elizaveta's boobs. He lifted her off of him by her boobs and he was less than gentle in doing the lifting and grabbing, too. He saw her get completely red in the face and her expression showed that she was in absolute pain.

"Gil!" She breathed out. And Gilbert noticed that the rest of her body went completely limp.

"Oh my god! Eli, I didn't mean it. I swear!" He screamed and quickly shifted her hands from forcefully cupping Elizaveta's breasts to firmly holding her waist. He skillfully sat up and he made her sit too. And he let her lean on the side of his bed as he saw that she really was in pain.

"Oh man… Eli. 'Ya gotta stop doing this to me." Gilbert started, looking at her with what sincerity he could muster. He even moved a little closer to her. She was obviously in pain, with that look in her face. And this is how Gilbert comforts her. "I keep thinking you're a man and then you go off growing boobs like that!" He loudly said, even thrashing his arms in the air to 'prove his point' and even pointing at her chest like a manifestation of evil grew on it. "How's a man supposed to wrestle when I've gotta watch it if I get your boobs hurt?" He bellowed, a stupidly and incredibly frank expression was plastered on Gilbert's face, like he was waiting for people to laugh at what he thinks is his 'catchphrase'.

After a good 3 seconds after Gilbert proclaimed his drama…

~klaaaaannnggg!~

Elizaveta grabbed her trusty frying pan out of nowhere and whacked Gilbert in the head so hard, an hour later, his Uncle Fritz called for him and said that he had a feeling something bad happened to his nephew. She answered the call of course, since Gil was completely unconscious. She just told her that Old Uncle Fritz was just being silly and that Gil was taking a bath during that time, it being the first day of school and all. And so he just wished them good luck and have fun at school, hung up and Eli went on her way, trying to wake up the completely messed up Gilbert so they could both just go to school already.

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**A/N: It's ALL crack! Of course it's all crack! [On second thought, I might put in a plot. (If that's even remotely possible.)] **Just posted this to see if anybody would want me to continue it... There're more shit like this in the next chapters about nearly all the hetalia characters. It'll center on the Frying Pangle though. So this is sorta just a prologue thingy. HAHAHAHA.

Reviews would be very much appreciated.


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